


Spinning

by AMidnightDreary



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Grief/Mourning, Holography, Love Confessions, M/M, Sad, Sad Ending, Unspecified Setting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-01-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:19:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22135432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AMidnightDreary/pseuds/AMidnightDreary
Summary: Tony left behind a message.
Relationships: Loki/Tony Stark
Comments: 39
Kudos: 154





	Spinning

**Author's Note:**

> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Anthony sits on the chair that belongs in his workshop, in front of several brightly screens and ever-changing holograms. Loki saw him sit on this chair countless times, just like this - with his feet on the desk, crossed at the ankles, and a screwdriver or some other tool in his hands to keep them busy; Anthony didn't like keeping them still.

Loki stays where he is, standing a few steps behind the chair. He can see his lover's back - the tiny burn holes in his worn Led Zeppelin t-shirt, the silver streaks in his hair, the way his shoulders move just slightly as he breathes and talks.

"So… Well, I'm not actually sure why I am doing this, but - Fri, why am I doing this?"

Loki does not hear the AI's reply.

"Right. Yes. Alright, fuck it, you'll never see this, anyway. I mean, I hope you won't, because honestly, this whole thing? It's a bit embarrassing. Like, do you remember that awful movie I made you watch, the one where Gerard Butler dies and stuff? That's what I feel like right now, a bit. And I'm not even dying or anything."

Loki slowly walks around his lover, just a few steps, until he can see Anthony's profile. The neatly trimmed beard, the cocky smirk, the humor in his eyes. Anthony keeps looking straight forward.

"See, the thing is," he says, and he does indeed hold a tool of some kind of tool in his hand and spins it between his fingers in a way that's just nervousness disguised as nonchalance, "the thing is, I've got some trouble being honest to you. I don't know why. It's nothing you did -" He cuts himself off with a huffed laugh, a minor shake of his head. "Nah, actually, it's everything you do. Even the tiniest fucking thing you do, it's like -" His fingers pause as he thinks, the tool stills in the air; it's a wire cutter. "This morning you made that horrible tea of yours, the one that makes the entire kitchen reek for  _ hours _ after. And I like that smell, you know, I do. Yeah, I know I always complain about it, but I do like it, because it… it means you're sitting there in my kitchen, drinking your tea. It means you're around. And I know that I should tell you that I like it, that I want you around. I want to tell you everything, but - what can I say? I'm scared shitless."

He laughs again and tosses the wire cutter away, probably onto his desk. Loki doesn't hear it land.

"I'm doing this wrong, right? It's a mess, now it just sounds like - like I don't trust you or something. Please don't think I don't trust you. I trust you so much that my head's spinning with it."

Loki takes a few more steps and comes to stand in front of Anthony, who now takes his feet off his desk and rubs his neck, frowning a little. He stretches out his legs, crosses his arms.

"I never told you any of this, but - ." He huffs. "Eh, in my defence, you never told me, either. Does that make things better? I don't know, and I'm not - I'm fine with it. Maybe you've got the same problems, or maybe you just don't feel the same, but I… I do. Feel like this, I mean. I guess it'd be easy to say that it just never came up, or that it didn't need to be said, but - but I think it does need to be said, because… I just want you to know. I still can't tell you face to face, though, because - yeah, because what if it makes you abscond to that elf planet or something? That'd be so weird, you not being here. The kitchen wouldn't reek anymore."

He smiles. It's just a little forced.

"Yes, right. I should get to the point, huh? I just… Okay, look. If everything goes to shit. If I blow myself up this way or another, or if a bullet hits its target a little too well or if you do abscond to freaking Middle Earth at some point - I know I'd wish I had said something. I'd wish you had known."

He takes a breath. Prepares himself.

"So, Loki, here's the thing - you're everything to me." He presses his lips together, the corners of his mouth tilting upward in a manner that could very easily be a smirk if it wanted to, and raises his hand in a gesture of  _ there, that's it. That's all I have to offer.  _

Loki's eyes are burning. Anthony's lips curl into a real smile, even though it's still a bit brittle at the edges.

"Everything," he repeats, and it sounds like it rolls of his tongue easier the second time. "You're the most important person in my life, and without you -" He rolls his eyes at himself. "Ah, who am I kidding - I'd live. I'd survive. But everything would be so much duller, without you. And I feel like that's it. For me, you're it."

He shrugs and straightens a little. His eyes never quite meet Loki's, because of course they don't. How could they?

"FRIDAY," Anthony says, smiling one last time. "I think we're done."

The image flickers and then disappears completely, and Loki stands in the middle of the room, entirely alone. Everything about this makes him dizzy, dizzy and sick; he feels like throwing up.

He wishes he had said something. Now it's too late, Anthony will never know, and Loki's all hung up on unsaid words.

_ I love you,  _ he would have said, should have said so often. He still feels it, even now.  _ Gods, Anthony - I love you so much my head's spinning with it. _


End file.
